I’ve reached the point where I need to start making decisions about my future. With two beautiful children depending on me, I cannot afford to wander about aimlessly waiting for something to happen. I must move forward with purpose.
In order to be able to move forward I have to figure out the answers to two questions: What am I going to do? & Where is the best place to do it?
(In an effort to make my blogs shorter I’ll be answering the first question in this blog and the second one in the next.)
The answer to “What am I going to do?” begins with what I am doing now. Right now, aside from caring for my children, the part of my life that I am seeing the most progress and growth is this blog. My writing started off as an outlet for my emotions and has grown into something more. It’s becoming less and less about me and more and more about letting my story encourage others.
I have found purpose in letting my story lift up others. I’m encouraged every time I get a message from someone telling me that my journey through pain has helped them in theirs. While it doesn’t make up for the loss I have suffered, knowing that I am able to help others I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to help makes it feel like my pain wasn’t for nothing. My heart is to continue to let my experience lead people to the healing that I myself have received. With limited effort on my part I am seeing this blog grow into a platform that allows me to do just that.
I am also in the process of writing a book. A couple months back I completed the outline and started on the first chapter. Reliving those early days was too painful for me at the time so I put the project on pause. I’m wanting to pick it back up soon, once I get into a good routine with my little ones.
While writing is one of my strengths, I’m feeling like another part of me is about to come to the surface. I think I’m ready to start speaking my message out loud.
I was 15 the first time I had to speak in front of a crowd (outside of a classroom). I trembled and paced for a good hour beforehand. What I had to say only took a few minutes but afterward I desperately hoped I would never have to do it again.
For some reason I was given many more opportunities (translation: forced over and over) to teach throughout high school and college until at some point I became comfortable with it. Although, if I’m being honest, I still get nervous before I take the mic.
My last two jobs both involved a decent amount of public speaking. When I worked as an Outreach Director for a non-profit, I was teaching children and teens several times a week with at least one large event each month. Speaking and teaching were my favorite parts of that position. When I stepped down to be a stay at home mom I was a bit sad. I thought that maybe that part of my life was going to be behind me.
As I have thought and prayed about my future, I feel like all of the speaking and teaching I did before was to prepare me for what’s coming next. I’m not exactly sure what it’s going to look like, but I feel it coming. In fact, over the past several months I’ve had several requests and offers to speak, but at the time I was still in the midst of grief and wasn’t quite ready.
Now that God has brought me through the darkness, I am going to start to try and figure out what the message is that I am carrying. (And how to say it in 45 minutes or less. ) I feel the time coming and I want to be ready when it does.
For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place… And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”