Erica Roman Blog

I write so that my healing may bring healing to others.

Best of Blogs

I realize that at this point I have a considerable number of blog entries on this site. It’s undoubtably overwhelming for new readers to attempt to read them all from the beginning so I’ve decided to put my top blogs in one place.

TOP 5 MOST READ BLOGS

1. A Widow’s Rage Defense of Patton Oswalt’s Engagement

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Most people find my website because of my Patton Oswalt piece. It went viral back in July 2017. In a 3 day span my site had 3.5 million views and it continues to receive traffic on a regular basis. I wrote this while I was secretly in my first relationship post loss. It is a defense, not only of Patton, but for all widows and widowers who go through the inevitable judgment when they find love again.

“How long should a widow sit in isolation before YOU are comfortable enough to release them from their solitary confinement? Because it’s really about you isn’t it? You aren’t actually concerned about the heart of the person who has found the strength and courage to love once more.”

2. I took maternity photos in the dress I wore to my husband’s funeral.

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This was the first blog that I wrote that got any sort of traffic. At the time, I only had a couple hundred followers at best and it got 7k views the week I published it. If I had to pick one thing that I have written that I love the most, it would probably be this one.

“That is why I decided to take maternity pictures in this dress. Because life is beautiful, even in pain. In the darkest of nights the stars shine out the brightest. The dress that I wore when I thought my life had been destroyed has been redeemed. For though I did not know it at the time, I was carrying life within me, even while surrounded by death.”

3. A Widow’s Letter to Her Future Husband

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I poured my heart into this piece and I’m so happy to report that I found and married a wonderful man who stands up to every part of this letter.

This blog is also notable because an Editor/Blogger who (still 🙄) writes on Medium plagiarized it almost word for word and labeled it as fiction. She outright denied it when she was caught.  My main take away from that experience was that I must actually be a good writer, only good writers get plagiarized.

I need you to understand that I will always love my first husband, but that love does not lessen my ability to love you. There are going to be days where I miss him, I might even need you to hold me while I cry for his loss… I need you to be ok with that. I need you not to be threatened by him. He may have been my first love but you will be my last. 

4. A Widow’s Labor – My story of life after death

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 Just a heads up, this one is on the longer side, nearly 3k words and is full of raw (but not graphic) moments from my labor with Nathan. In this blog I not only share his birth story, but my grief story as well.

The rhythm of labor contractions mirror the pain in the early stages of grief. Intense waves of pain followed by a time where you feel nothing. It’s how I was able to speak at the funeral. I was in one of the stretches of numbness where I could function as if my whole world wasn’t burning before my eyes.

5. The Price of Love is Pain

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It took a lot of courage to allow my heart to love again. Losing Jon created so much fear. This blog was me processing the risks and rewards of love.

I could shut down my heart, surround it with a protective shell and choose not to walk that path again. In doing so I would save myself from the intense sorrow that made me want to scream in the night. I could spare myself the pain. But to do that would mean I would miss out on something greater: love.

SOME OF MY FAVORITES

Surviving the Waves of Grief

My grief has come on me like waves. I’ll have many days at a time where I am fine and then all of the sudden I am overcome. I have been bracing myself against them but they have knocked me over every time. Fighting pain has not worked, in fact I’m pretty sure it has made it worse. Each time I have tried to stuff the emotions they have only sucked me into their depths, leaving me feeling sick and exhausted afterwards.

When Someone You Know Is Going Through Trauma (PART 1)

I’m writing this on behalf of other widows and anyone else who has gone through trauma, be it sickness or divorce or whatever. The world is full of hurting people. I want to help spare the next person by helping everyone who reads this understand what is helpful and what is not to a person going through a traumatic experience.

When Someone You Know Is Going Through Trauma (PART 2)

While you cannot carry someone else burden for them,
you can carry them and believe me, they’re going to need to be carried.

I am a Widow

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I have faced the terror of night and will not be intimidated by anything this world could throw at me now.
I have survived the most intense pain I will have to endure.
I have already faced the worst life can bring.
Can anything stop me now?

Surviving in a Culture of Affection Deprivation

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But what about the other single people? I am not the only one who goes to bed alone every night aware of the emptiness beside me. What about those who have gone through divorce or have never had the chance to marry yet? They need affection too. I feel confident in saying that I am not the only one starved for affection in a sea of people.

Surprised by Joy

At first, I was overwhelmed with despair but as the reality sank in and everything that that new reality meant for me, my despair was replaced by betrayal.  I felt betrayed by God. My prayers turned into accusations, “I TRUSTED YOU! I trusted You and You took my husband! I trusted You and You gave me a SECOND child to carry ALONE, to parent ALONE!”

This is What Widow Looks Like

 When I see another widow or widower, I see another warrior. They might be fresh to the battle and still finding their strength or a seasoned veteran of grief, but they are warriors, all. They are warriors because they have to be.


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