My Dear Jocelyn,
This week you turned two years old. Instead of throwing you a party I took you to the Magic Kingdom. You loved Disney World and I loved experiencing it through your eyes. Seeing you get so excited to meet your favorite princess, watch the parade and ride the rides brought so much joy to my heart. But with the joy came a tinge of sadness. Throughout the day I kept thinking how much your daddy would have loved to be there with us. I was constantly imagining what he would have said or done at different moments.
Your daddy embraced his new role as a father wholeheartedly. He absolutely adored you and the older you got the more excited he was to spend time with you. He used to say that he couldn’t wait to play with you when you were old enough for games and playing pretend. He was always singing to you. Of course he didn’t sing normal baby songs. He preferred Frank Sinatra and over Mother Goose. His favorite one to sing to you was “Just The Way You Are”.
I want you to know that your daddy loved you. He was so proud of every one of your little milestones. He loved to get down and play with you. When you started dancing to music he was so excited! He would have loved to be there with us at Disney. He would have been there for you at all of your activities cheering from the front row, loud enough to be a bit embarrassing. Believe me, I’ve been on the receiving end of it. When I graduated with my Associates he yelled “I love you!” from the stands so loud I heard it clearly from the stage. He never would have left us, if it was up to him, he would have been there for you always.
As you reach more milestones, more precious moments in time, from your first day of school to your first date to the day you have your first child, my heart will continue to be filled with joy tinged with sorrow. No matter how much time passes that will never change. I will always feel the absence of your father in your life and I know someday you will as well. All I can do is continue to remind you who your daddy was and how much he loved you. And perhaps, if we are very lucky I will find someone who will love you like your daddy would have. Not to replace him, but to stand in his place so that you will know what it is like to be loved by a father, because every child deserves to know a father’s love.
I guess I’ll finish with saying, Happy Birthday my dear one. I love you very much and I’m so sorry that this past year has been so hard on us. I’m believing this next year will bring new life and new joys for us both.
All My Love,
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
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