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Erica Roman Blog

I write so that my healing may bring healing to others.

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Tag: youngwidow

1 Post

A Widow’s Rage Defense of Patton Oswalt’s Engagement

July 7, 2017 — 828 Comments

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Before Jocelyn falls asleep I always ask her the same question, “How was your day?” . We typically talk through all of the events of the day. I like to leave her little mind thinking on fun, happy moments before she goes to sleep. But the other night I felt the need to add something to the end of the conversation . “Hey Jocelyn, I need to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I was really stressed but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Will you forgive me?” . “I forgive you, Mama!” . “Thank you, Love.” . “Now I feel all better!” She beamed and then said, “I love you” as she pulled me in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek . I think one of the best pieces of parenting advice I have been given is to apologize to your kids as often as possible . I had been in the middle of cooking dinner, burned my hand, got a text with some stressful information, and had just finished consoling Nathan, when Jocelyn came running into the kitchen yelling “Mama! Mama! Mama!” in an incredibly annoying sing songy voice . At first, I asked her firmly but calmly to please go back to watching Wild Kratts which caused her to meltdown and start crying for me to hold her. At that point I had reached my limit. I yelled at her to go out of the kitchen while I cooked dinner. She listened and went back to watching her show. I felt guilty but mostly relieved by the half minute of silence . By the time Neil got home, dinner was through and I was given a few minutes of quiet to restore my sanity, I knew that as stressed as I was and as annoying as she had been (for a good portion of the day) I was out of line when I yelled at her . I could’ve brushed it off and just tried to be better in future, but if I had used that tone of voice with an adult I would have needed to apologize if i wanted to maintain that relationship. A child’s age doesn’t make them impervious to relational damage . I want a good relationship with my children and that requires daily maintenance and like it or not, a big portion of that is owning it when I screw up. I’m not a perfect mom so I’ll probably need to say a lot of “I’m sorry’s” . . #momlife #parenting #apologize #ericaroman

We celebrated Nathan’s birthday today! I can’t believe he turns two next week 😭❤️❤️

This just came in the mail today and it made my heart smile. Last year and the year before I just held my breath and waited for the holidays to pass. This year has been amazing and we’ve got so many more wonderful moments to come. Thank you Jesus for a happy Christmas season ❤️🌲🌟🎁🙏🏼

For those of us who believe, take a moment to remember where the origin of our faith began.

Last week I celebrated the birthdays of two amazing men. . When I first noticed Neil, I did what every modern single person does when a potential candidate appears on their radar: run an intensive analysis of their social media platforms. My stalking came to an abrupt halt when I discovered Neil’s birthday: the day after Jon’s birthday. . Nope. I decided as I put down my phone. I can’t do that. How could I possibly celebrate someone else the day after I celebrate and remember Jon? No, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved. . As hard as I tried, I couldn’t not notice Neil every time I walked in the church doors. Sure, it’s hard to miss a tattooed giant but I found myself actively scanning the sanctuary for him before it would occur to me that I had decided he was a no go. . When we became an official couple I knew I’d have to figure out what Nov 25&26 would look like. As much as I thought it was going to be difficult, it really wasn’t. . Neil’s birthday fell on a Monday so I celebrated him with the kids on Friday. We went to an indoor pool and then had pizza together. Saturday I took him to a Brazilian steakhouse (he’d never been to one) and then we strolled downtown a bit. . Sunday was Jon’s day. After church, lunch and naps were through I pulled out the box I keep Jon’s things in and showed them to both the kids and Neil. Then we watched a bunch of videos of Jon singing and goofing off. We also had some Jon’s favorite red velvet cake. Sadness hit me for a few hours and then passed like a gentle breeze. Neil was very sweet and (as always) was free with his hugs. . It turns out it is entirely possible to celebrate two different men back to back. I can celebrate Neil, show and tell him how much I love and appreciate him on one day and then remember Jon with my kids and carry a little sadness in my heart that he isn’t with us anymore the next. Honoring one does not bring dishonor to the other. . We are powerful creatures. Our hearts have the capacity for so much love if we choose it and if we are intentional with the hearts of those around us. . It is my honor to celebrate and love both of these wonderful men in two very different ways . . #widow #remarriedwidow

Don’t be fooled by these cute photos. It was pure, unadulterated chaos. But.. it was also is our first Christmas tree together as a family. Also the first Christmas tree that Neil or I have had in many years. So even though there were meltdowns and broken bulbs.. it was still a cherished moment. I’m so excited about this holiday season.

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