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Erica Roman Blog

I write so that my healing may bring healing to others.

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Tag: youngwidow

1 Post

A Widow’s Rage Defense of Patton Oswalt’s Engagement

July 7, 2017 — 828 Comments

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I had a terrifying moment today. Nathan fell in the pond next to the nature center. I was right next to him so he was only under water for maybe 5 seconds at the most but it was enough to leave the both of us shaken up. . . There’s a part of my brain that is difficult to turn off that constantly wonders if today is the day something terrible happens. . . Jon’s death blindsided me. It was such a normal mundane morning. The fear of having another ordinary day turn into a nightmare is a hard one to shake. . . While my anxiety has stopped screaming at me and now is only a soft whisper.. it’s still there. . . Part of me is still afraid. Afraid to lose my kids, my husband, my family members and friends... or even myself. There’s so much I haven’t prepared for in case the worst happens to me. . . I’m trying to work out the balance of choosing not to listen to fear and the wisdom to prepare for all possibilities. I still haven’t figured it out beyond not letting fear stop me and my kids from enjoying life to the best of our ability. . . I won’t let fear stop me from living but it’s still hard to ignore her whispers.

Today I took Jocelyn on our very first girls day! We went to the circus and had a blast! Thank you Aunt @kelliee88 for scoring ya some tickets! I’m looking forward to lots more one on one quality time dates with my kids. ❤️ 🎪 ❤️ . . #circus #girlsday #mommydaughter #qualitytime #ericaroman

It just occurred to me that I never posted a picture of our rings! Which is crazy because I’m so in love with them. . It was such a fun process deciding on the jewelry that would bring us together as a family . Both of our rings and the necklaces we chose for our children are made from the same meteorite. . . After doing a little research I decided I didn’t want a diamond. Not only is the trade questionable in their ethics but they’re obnoxiously expensive for no good reason. They’re not that rare and essentially diamonds in engagement rings are the result of a very successful advertising campaign. (No hate if you have or love diamonds, I just didn’t feel compelled to follow the fad.) . . I started looking at alternative gemstones and discovered Moissanite. It’s just as hard and shiny as diamond and are rarely found in nature outside of meteor craters. As a bit of a space nerd I loved that last little tidbit. . . My exploration of Moissanite rings led me to a website that creates rings and necklaces out of actual meteorite stone. I immediately fell in love with the concept of a meteorite ring with a Moissanite Stone. . . Our rings and our children’s necklaces were made from stone that came from space, spun into motion from God’s very breath. If that’s not the most amazing thing ever I don’t know what is. . . (And bonus: They all together cost less than the average engagement ring before the diamond is added.) . . ( ps @jewelrybyjohan should send me a necklace to match my daughter’s for this little advertisement lol) #jewlerybyjohan #weddingrings #engagementring #family #meteorite

Dear Jon, @roman__music I found your glasses today... the ones we spent hours looking for and never did find. They were in the top pocket of your giant suitcase. I had been using it to store my jackets and I discovered them as I unpacked, along with a written prayer about your music career. At least, I think that’s what the note says.. I never was able to decipher your handwriting with much accuracy. . . It’s been 896 days since our last morning together. So much has changed since then that our life together feels like a vivid dream or a past existence. . . Jocelyn is so grown up. She’s starting to pick out her own hair bows and yesterday she referred to herself as a woman. She refers to you as her daddy in heaven and often asks if we can visit. . . Nathan is growing too. He’s a mover like you were. He is full of energy and has so much personality. You two would have gotten along so great. I wish you could have met him. . . As for me.. I’ve married again. It’s such a strange thing for me to say to you. This life I’ve had to live was not something I would have ever chosen for me.. or especially for you. . . But what I could choose was to keep on living. And after enduring so much sadness and pain from losing you I have now begun a brand new life and I have found happiness once more. . . Sometimes the grief still comes. The waves are soft and gentle now with more time in between them but they come nonetheless. Like today when I found the glasses we searched so long for. . . So I’ve spent this afternoon thinking of you and once our babies wake up from their naps I’ll hug them with a little extra intensity. . . I may be married now, but I’m still your widow. I still remember you. I still miss you. I still love you. . . #widow #ericaroman #youngwidow #remarriedwidow #memories #grief #lostlove #warriorwidow

I’m exhausted. I’m feeling sick. And I’m so happy right now . My son is cutting two molars so he’s been up every couple hours the last few nights. I’m in the midst of trying to figure out what I’m allergic to in this new apartment and today I’m particularly sneezy and stuffy . . Before I would have to push through, wrangle the children, clean up dinner.. all the things that need to be done.. that I used to do by myself. But tonight at 6:15 I was relieved of all duties . . Neil came home, sent me to take a shower and rest. I lay in bed listening to the three of them sing wonderfully off key to the Moana soundtrack. It was the best thing I’d heard all day . . Last night I hung out with a moms group for a couple hours. At one point we went around the room sharing the best and most challenging part of our current season of life. I shared all the ways that my life has become dramatically better. But even the trickier things like a financial situation and figuring out the logistics of combining family schedules... feel like small trifles compared with how hard life was even just one year ago . . While I was in ministry school each week I met with a small group to share about what was going on in our lives. Every week I essentially had to decide which area of my life that was on fire was the most painful and share about that. I hated being the group’s downer but my life was incredibly difficult and incredibly painful in that season . . It’s such a wonderful contrast to see how last night I couldn’t think of a struggle big enough to mention where before I was overwhelmed with so many things I had a hard time deciding which one to talk about . . I have felt unsure how to go about posting these days. Part of me feels guilty for posting all these happy posts. Or that maybe people will think that I’m bragging or flaunting my relationship. But just as I was open with my pain before, I want to be open with my joy now. I want people who saw me a year ago to see that all darkness comes to an end. . . Dawn always breaks. If you keep standing up each day, if you keep putting one foot in front of the other and refuse to take on the role of victim, light will come to you too

Yesterday was Daughters day. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it before but here’s a day late excuse to brag on the girl who made me a mom . . Jocelyn is wicked smart. She picks up on things so quickly. Letters, numbers, new concepts all come to her with ease . . She’s already a boss babe in her own mind. “It’s cause I’m so strong” is a regular part of her vocabulary. The balance I’m going to have to walk with her is growing her leadership skills while teaching her respect for authority. I sometimes joke that the tricky part of raising a strong independent woman is they start off as a strong independent preschooler . . I think my current favorite of her quirks is her love of songs in other languages. When she was little she used to ask me to sing “Ahh I betcha”. Aka: the opening scene of Lion King. More recently she’s made words to the opening of Moana: “Say hey, the hi mommy”. Maybe she’s going to have a knack for languages someday. (Which will help her when she’s a Fortune 500 CEO.) . . But for now it’s been a fun adventure raising this pint sized powerhouse.

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